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FAQ's
WHAT IS CROSS DRESSING?
As the word implies, cross
dressing is wearing clothes (dressing: the act of donning clothing and
wearing it.) The"cross" comes in when a person goes against the prevailing
socially defined stereotype, dons, and wears clothing society says is exclusively
for members of the sex opposite to the sex of the person involved. Virtually
all people cross dress on occasion. Many people cross dress with regularity.
Both sexes cross dress. Females cross dress with relative impunity. No
one seems to be particularly upset and many think it is really "sexy" or
just plain "cute" for a female to wear "men's" clothing. Conversely, unless
the cross dressing individual is sufficiently talented to look convincing,
a male who cross dress's is in for social disapproval which can vary from
minor to massive. People cross dress for a wide variety of reasons.
WHY DO PEOPLE CROSS DRESS?
Many "reasons" are given for
cross dressing. Some are simplistic. Some are superficial. Some are simply
wrong. In general, the most valid reasons seen have to do with the expression
of a personal preference on the part of the cross dresser. Some cross dress
for employment reasons, costumes, etc. Some cross dress as a part of their
sexual activity (either just for fun or for money) and others cross dress
literally to make fun of members of the opposite sex. Those who cross dress
and with whom we are interested in HCDA are almost all male, and most are
married or have been married. Many have families. These cross dressers
dress also for a variety of reasons. The reasons they give vary with the
depth of insight and understanding held by the individual concerned. For
the most part, at the core of the motivation for most heterosexual cross
dressers is an outward expressive manifestation of an inward feeling set.
Something innate, natural to the person concerned seeks to find overt expression
in the external behavior of the individual. This inner feeling set/external
manifestation takes the form of cross dressing. Such individuals feel a
natural preference for feminine clothing in the same manner the typical
female feels the need to express her femininity in the choices of clothing
she makes. At the core, then, is the fundamental element of the who, what,
and how the person is by virtue of their nature and the resulting attraction
to things feminine. This is an innate attraction, a natural reaching out
of the inner person to find visible means of self expression compatible
with how, who, and what the person feels self to be inside. It is not generally
a sexual thing, or all such individuals would be same sex attracted. Since
a majority of cross dressers are not same sex attracted, then it is evident
the innate attraction to external symbols of femininity are not sexual
in nature, rather they rise from the most basic centers of who, what, and
how the person really is by virtue of nature.
ISN'T CROSS DRESSING JUST A
SEXUAL PERVERSION
No! Cross dressing is something
quite apart from a sexual activity for most cross dressers. The motivations
lie at an equally deep and natural level in the person as does sexual attraction,
motivation and preference, yet they are different. These two confusing
elements of the total person (sex and gender) are indeed closely linked
in most people. So much akin are they our language does not even have an
appropriate verbal differentiation. Our language wrongly uses the terms
"Gender" and "Sex" interchangeably. It uses sexual terms which refer to
anatomical features as their basis\ interchangeably with terms which in
reality are most accurately reserved for things which are not sexual in
being at all. It uses "woman" when it means: "female". It uses "man" when
it means: "male". It fails us when it comes to accuracy and this inaccuracy
does lead to a lot of confusion. Nevertheless, cross dressing as practiced
by the heterosexual cross dresser is something quite apart from sex an
sexual expression.
ISN'T CROSS DRESSING JUST A
STEP TO SEXUAL REASSIGNMENT?
Again, the answer is a resounding
NO. In fact the NO cannot be made sufficiently emphatic. Sex Reassignment
Surgery (SRS) or Sex Change Surgery" as it is sometimes called, is quite
another thing. This is a sexual thing at the very core. Diagnostically
, it is a sexual identity dysphoric condition in which the person from
the very earliest ages, many even before the onset of puberty, is aware
of a feeling most commonly said to be: "trapped in the wrong body". Such
people are diagnosed as "Transsexuals" for their fundamental feeling set
has equally deep roots which are quite apart from clothing and are in essence
directed to their anatomical structures and many times to the sexual anatomy
of those to whom they are attracted sexually. This condition is recognized
as a medical condition which is commonly treated by long term psychotherapy,
long term hormonal therapy and finally by surgical alteration of the person's
external genitalia. This condition is found in both those born female and
those born male. The predominance is among males. A terribly distressing
situation has arisen in conjunction with the proliferation in recent years
of the so-called "Gender Clinics" (a terribly misnomer, as it were) and
the relative ease with which many individuals have been admitted to the
surgical suites. This has led to a phenomenon in which borderline individuals
have sought to bolster their own decision to assume the identity and goals
of the true transsexual by "recruiting" and otherwise influencing other
insecure, confused, and often gullible individuals to set forth on the
same course of action. This has been encouraged it seems, by some individuals
in the "Gender Clinic" business for obvious reasons. SRS is not inexpensive.....
WHAT ABOUT CHILDREN?
The issue of children of the
cross dresser is an emotionally burdensome one. There is no formula answer.
What is the best for one family in which cross dressing is a natural part
of the father's being human could be suitable for another family and yet
for a third family, it could be totally wrong. In general, taking into
consideration the psychological formative years of the child being essentially
from birth to age five as being those years in which the chid learns the
most and most personal patterns are well formed, if the parent discovers
cross dressing and comes to terms with it during those times, it is generally
held, telling the children is appropriate. During these younger years,
the child can grow up knowing "dad" as both a "man" and as a "woman" with
no problems. This is not going to "mark" the child in any way. The child
will be inclined to femininity or masculinity according to the "luck of
the draw" when the influences of the genetically inherited nature is laid
down at conception. The critical thing in parenting in this situation is
to be honest and to provide the child with positive reinforcement for the
inclinations the child begins to exhibit early on. As the child's nature
matures and begins to manifest itself, in terms of femininity and masculinity,
the wise parent will observe and will be supportive of the child becoming
who, what, and how he/she is by nature. In the case the parent discovers
and comes to terms with multi-general inclinations and begins to manifest
the long repressed gender side of self after the children have passed about
the age of twelve or thirteen, it is not advisable for the parent to make
an issue of cross dressing. If the children discover it, honesty is the
one positive thing to practice. Children in the teen years are in much
chaos already. The awakening of their own sexuality and the powerful influence
of their peer group have to be taken into consideration. So there is no
"formula" to be given. Each situation, each family, each cross dresser,
each spouse, and each child makes a huge difference. What is right for
one, may be right or wrong for another. Each must make the best choice
they can and work out the negatives if any develop as a result of the decision
made.
DO WIVES ACCEPT THIS BEHAVIOR?
Some do. Some don't. The issue
of spousal accommodation to cross dressing is as varied as are the couples
in whose lives cross dressing becomes an issue. There are no formulae.
Each person involved has to search self and consider much more than the
prejudices and emotional flaring which commonly accompany disclosure of
cross dressing. Fundamentally, the acquisition of knowledge and the enrichment
of attitude are essential. Remember spouses grow up subject to the same
sociological conditioning interims of socially approved stereotypes as
do the cross dressers for whom this is a major problem. Cross dressing
introduced into a marriage invariably requires rapid growth in terms of
knowledge, self esteem, and security of the relationship, or the relationship
is in dire threat of falling apart. It is a case of "grow or go" most of
the time. Therefore, it is wise for the cross dresser who discovers and
comes to terms with cross dressing before marriage to be honest and risk
loss of the intended rather than go through the trauma of disillusionment
which so often happens later on. "Tell your intended first, then work out
the relationship before you get into a legally binding situation" is our
advice. A good policy to follow is for a cross dresser to share cross dressing
with a lady no later than the third or fourth date. Being rejected early
never has hurt so badly as being rejected later on when a relationship
has begun to mature. Further this gives the lady due respect and freedom
to stay or go away as she chooses and there is no "inducement under false
pretense". It is just the honest and honorable thing to do.
ARE THERE HELPING ORGANIZATIONS
FOR THE CROSS DRESSER
Yes there are! There are helping
organizations both of the self help variety and of the "social" variety.
For the heterosexual cross dressers and those who love them (families)
there is; The Society For The Second Self (Tri-Ess) (Tri-Ess, 8880 Bellaire
Blvd B2, Ste.104, Houston, TX 77036) for social support. For those who
are not so sure they are exclusively heterosexual or who want a "non-family"
oriented structure, there are multiple "open" groups around the country,
contact IFGE, P.O. Box 367, Wayland, MA. 017782 for referral to various
groups. Contact with Tri-Ess will get local information for you. There
also is, for the cross dresser and those who are effected by cross dressing
the 12 step self help group modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous. This group
is called: Helping Cross dressers Anonymous (HCDA). Local groups are forming
all around the country. Contact with the founding group in Houston, TX
will give you information. You may contact HCDA at 6804 E Hgwy 6 South
#334 Houston, TX., 77083 Attn..: "Brenda". Please include a return address
so your inquiry can be answered.
DO YOU HAVE FURTHER QUESTIONS?
If you or someone you know
has further questions not answered in this set of pages, please feel free
to contact "Brenda" at the above address. Formulate your question and give
as much background information as you can muster. "Brenda" is an Alcohol
and Drug Abuse Counselor. Your questions will be given serious consideration
and answered as fully as is within the experience and knowledge the individuals
involved.
Published by:
Heterosexual Cross dressers
Anonymous
c/o 6804 E Hgwy 6 South #334
Houston, TX., 77083
All rights reserved to the
Publisher. Copyright 1992.
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